April of Acceptance Daily Idea: accept that you won't always follow the path you started on.
Today was supposed to be "accept that embracing a situation can change its impact." But my brain took me on a whole new path and I had to change the topic. I just can't bring myself to offer inspiration and affirmations about the thing I struggle with most!!
This morning I woke up early as usual. First day of a long weekend and I'm up at 7am wishing I could sleep in like I could a few years ago. So I slowly stretched out the kinks in my body, doing my morning routine of trying to get my body to do what I need it to do. I made myself a chai latte, put it in a travel mug, and took the dog outside.
Today is cold and sunny. I walked the dog until I found a park with a bench. I'm sitting in the sun now, embracing the quiet of an early morning. Embracing the coming of spring, the changing of seasons, the returning of blossoms, and the life that I have.
There is nothing that is more enraging to me than someone saying that you just need to change your outlook when things are hard. Because that, my kind readers, is a load of crap. There are horrible things in life entirely beyond our control. Death, violence, assault, war, human-to-human atrocities ... these cannot, and must not, be framed by improving your outlook.
Gay men are currently being rounded up in Chechnya and put into concentration camps. Sources are saying they are beaten daily, sometimes to death. The spokesperson for the government says that it's impossible that these camps exist because there ARE no gay people in Chechnya and that if there were, their families would have already sent them far away to never return. "Nobody can detain or harass anyone who is simply not present in the republic," said Alvi Karimov.
Humans.
In concentration camps.
For the purpose of extermination.
Again.
Denial.
Again.
That can't be reframed with a positive outlook. My rage and fear about it can't be improved by happy thoughts or positive affirmations.
So how CAN outlook affect your situation? What are things that suck that we can accept and also embrace? I am not the kind of person who believes that if you say positive things and turn the negative into a positive that life will be rosy. Sometimes things are shitty. I believe in crying and wrapping yourself up in a blanket to cocoon when things are hard. I believe in saying "this sucks and I'm sad." It's okay to be sad. We live in this society where being fake-happy is encouraged and appreciated. "How are you?" is habit. "Good and you?" is habit. Meaningless exchanges of social etiquette.
What we can do is find the moments of contentment that exist. Embrace that life is full of ups and downs. Embrace the changes that have the potential to be positive. Embrace potential. Embrace that our control over life is really just an illusion.
Yesterday I was given my teaching assignment for September. It is not an assignment that I wanted. It is not a change that I wanted. Do I have any control over it? Sure. I can transfer to a different school. I can interview for other schools. I can leave teaching and go back to school to be a child psychotherapist (a dream of mine). I can go back to school to do a PhD in Feminist Neuroscience ... a field I only discovered YESTERDAY!!! I can also embrace the challenge of learning about a different disability than the one I have specialized in for 13 years. I can embrace researching teaching strategies, assessment methods, modifications, and creating a whole new program. I have choices.
I don't agree that I have the choice about how I feel.
Feelings are just feelings. They exist. Trying to control or change your feelings is fake. All you're doing is taking those emotions and stuffing them down inside of you to bubble out later in unrelated, inappropriate times. Like yelling at your kid when they spill their cereal, when you're actually mad that your partner forgot to buy bread 6 days ago.
Feelings ebb and flow. Our best way to function is to allow the emotions to happen. Sit with the discomfort and tolerate the distress. The emotion will subside. Feel your sadness. Cry. It's okay. And when you're ready, the tears will stop. I'm not saying to stay in bed for a week. I'm saying that suppressing the sad can mean the sad comes back later, and bigger, and can lead to staying in bed for a month.
Let's embrace the embraceable and accept that there are unembraceable things too.
Be kind,
To yourself too
xo
***NOTE: "acceptance" in the context of my writing is about the belief that all living things are entitled to respect, regardless of their actions and beliefs. "Acceptance" in this context is NOT about being silent, ignoring injustices and self and others, or expecting that we can say something is okay when it isn't. In this context I am referring to the idea that we cannot control what happens around us, we can only control how to respond to those things.
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