MINDFULLY MENDING MARCH SUGGESTION: connect with a good friend today.
I have spent the last month or so trying to decide what my post would be about on March 15th ... would I write vague references to it being my cousin's birthday? Would I ignore it altogether? Would I think in my head about what friendship means and write a post loosely based on that?
I think my posts are fairly personal. And yet I keep many of my experiences, and certainly my loved ones, out of my public persona.
Today I am breaking all of the rules I have created for myself on social media INCLUDING posting photos of myself which has been a very big rule for me since starting Fox Tales Art. My appearance is not part of my work. My appearance is irrelevant so I keep that part of myself mine. Private. Not for social media.
Today is different.
Today I want to talk about friendship. The kind of friendship that goes through the wringer.
Shit, it goes through the blender, the wood chipper, the meat grinder, the garbage disposal, and still stays strong. Friendships that grow like side by side trees with interconnected roots that no one sees. Only those trees know how interdependent they are.
I have been lucky and have a wonderful group of friends. My partner is my best friend and I am grateful for her every day.
In my 30s (which will last exactly 16 more days), I developed friendships that are based on mutual respect, support, and a strong connection. Friendships that ... "feed my soul".
When I was born, I met my closest friend whom I shall call CP.
We literally met at birth. CP is my cousin. She was born 40 years ago today. And I came along 16 days later. She was my first friend, even when we didn't really know the other one existed.
We come from a large family with zillions of cousins. And I love all of them. And CP and I grew up together. By 9 years old we were inseparable. We bonded over discussing what colours go best with purple. Yellow and green, if you're wondering.
40 years is a long time to be friends. Cousins, sure. That's an unbreakable bond in my eyes. Family doesn't mean you have to be friends. It does mean you love and care about each other. CP and I chose to be friends. And continue to choose that.
It's difficult for me to explain the connection I have with CP. I've been reminded on more than one occasion that we are actually separate people. Which is true. And kind of irrelevant. How do I explain why CP and I have to talk every day, multiple times a day?
I don't think I can. And I don't think I need to.
The fact is, CP and I have managed to survive what the world has thrown at our friendship. And let me tell you, the world has tried so very hard to tear us apart. There is a period of time called "The Time We Shall Not Speak Of" wherein we did not speak to each other. CP moved to Dawson City and I moved to Peterborough and a few years went by like that.
And despite The Time We Shall Not Speak of ... BECAUSE OF The Time We Shall Not Speak Of, our friendship became stronger.
The Time We Shall Not Speak Of was spoken of and discussed and through that we healed. Then agreed there is a fast forward button so we can just skip that part when we need to.
Our friendship is based on honesty. Which can lead to all sorts of nasty emotions and several hours of not answering each other. It also makes us stronger. It makes us able to say "that was shitty" or "you hurt my feelings". It makes us able to forgive and to truly accept each other in all our flawed beauty.
Friendship is about breaking and mending. It's about making mistakes and picking up the pieces and putting it back together. It's about trusting that you can say all the things and no matter how hard, you can repair the relationship. It is about accepting that you will get angry with each other, you will disappoint each other, you will drive each other to the point of wanting to smash dishes. And you will also be fiercely loyal. You will show up at your friend's new apartment with Mexican food and a bag of kitchen supplies from the dollar store. You will stay up all night because your friend needs to talk. You will keep your phone on because you know your friend who has an Eating Disorder is going to a big family dinner and will need to text you to make it through.
It took me 30 years to learn how to be a good friend. And to learn what I want in a friend. It took me 30 years to develop criteria for who and what I am willing to accept in my life.
Finding your friends, your true deep loyal group of people, takes time and effort. And it is worth it.
Today, think about who your friends are. Who moves your soul? Who would you ask to sit in a freezing cold room with for hours keeping your feet warm in an oven? Who would you tell your darkest thoughts to? Who would you ask to drive you to an appointment that is 3 hours long? Who can you talk to for hours until you get kicked out of Tim Horton's because they are closing? Who can you sit with and not talk to and it doesn't feel awkward? Who makes you happy? Who can you drive you crazy and still loves you to pieces? Who can give you empathy instead of strategy? An ear without judgement?
Some of you will read this and feel that you don't have that. That you don't have a friend who would do those things for you.
I want you to know that you will. As the old Rice Krispies commercial said, "these things take time!" You will find the person, or people, who will love, accept, and if not understand you, at least try to. I truly believe that you will.
Be kind,
To yourself too
xo
*All images are property of Fox Tales Art
**All images are available for sale with profits going to www.sheenasplace.org
Email foxtaleskira@gmail.com for inquiries and browse some options at
www.etsy.com/ca/shop/FoxTalesByKira
(Purchasing directly by email, even if the piece is on etsy, saves both of us money and can involve a negotiation in size and in price)
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